LIFE'S LITTLE LESSONS

I’m feeling like absolute crap.  I’m sitting here with so much regret wondering what could have been if I had made a different decision in the past, why we continue to go through the same cycles of hurt, and why it seems like no one completely understands what I feel.  And I’m getting sick.  But I think that through this all, I’ve learned a few things.

• Your past does define your future, so always think things through carefully.  It will save you a lot of regret and heartache in the future.  I’ve lost my chance at a really great opportunity, all because I didn’t think things through carefully.  I jumped at an opportunity in the past, and I’m not going to lie that it’s also something great.  But I failed to consider the consequences I would have to face in the future and I’m left thinking about what could have been.  I say that your past does define your future, because had I made a different decision in the past, the results right now would have been different, and I wouldn’t have lost my chance.  So the next time you jump at the next opportunity, make sure you think things through.  Make wise decisions, because no one likes feeling regret. 
• History repeats itself for either of two reasons: 1) so that we can learn from it or 2) because we haven’t dealt with the issue.  The first time we repeat a cycle, it’s because we haven’t learned from the first time so we’re given a second chance.  But anything beyond the second time is our own fault.  We choose not to learn from it - to completely ignore it.  As a result, it comes back to slap us in the face and truth is, until we learn to deal with it, it will never really go away.
• Schedule your priorities; don't prioritize your schedule. This point comes from a book called First Things First by Stephen Covey.  What are your priorities?  Take time to think about what's most important in your life.  How many of these important things are centered around relationships or are actual people?  The most important things in my life are not what’s but who’s.  And if these are the people or things that matter the most, then learn to put them first in your life.   Don’t push a relationship aside because there may be something more attractive or important to do.  The reason why we often find ourselves in a mess is because we’re too preoccupied doing all the good things that we fail to do what’s best.  "The enemy of the best is the good.”  It hurts when you’re not first in someone’s life when you should be; don't hurt them the same way.  A lot of relationships are severed or even broken because of this.
• God is all. At one point or another, I’m sure everyone has felt so misunderstood and that no one knew what they were going through.  As much as people tell you, “I know how it feels,” they don’t.  The situation may have been similar, but only you can feel the heartache that you do, right?  Wrong.  God feels it too.  Though it seems likes we're alone in this world, He’s the only one that might ever really feel and understand the pain you’re going through.  So remember that someone does know what you're feeling - God is all.

THIS CHRISTMAS...

Christmas is in less than a week, and for some reason, I'm just not feeling it as much as I would like.  It's my most favorite time of the year, not because of presents and such but because of the unity that it's supposed to bring. And it's not just about Christ's coming; it's also about celebrating His life...celebrating happiness...sharing love. 

For others, it's a time to put up a wish list, so let's jump on the bandwagon.  This Christmas here's what I wish for:

• A new jacket A place for all the less fortunate to go to so that they don't have to freeze to death in the cold.
• DAKINE bag For children in third world countries to get the education that we take for granted.
• iPOD touch For people to forget about wordly desires and remember that there's people out there who are suffering.  The cost of this is about 1/4 of what could be a home for these people.
• Casual watch For people to truly value the gift of time.  We really need to stop making ourselves so busy (myself included) and realize that it's not all about you.  Other people need your time, so sacrifice a little and share a part of you with someone.  Putting it simply, spending quality time with the people you love.  So for me, it would probably be SHOUT reunion; a family get-away so we can spend at least a full day with each other; for all my relatives to be together...I miss everyone; a day trip to Banff, Edmonton, or anywhere with friends; Zoo lights.  One of the most precious gifts you could ever give anyone is your time.
• For people everywhere to be truly HAPPY and to know what that even means.

There's this message going around on what these little kids answer the question "What is love?", and as one kid put it, "Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening the presents and listen" (Bobby - age 7). So this Christmas, forget the presents...forget the material things...forget all worldly desires.  Why not give a little love?

So here's me wishing you NOT a Happy Holidays, but a

Merry Christmas

&

a Blessed New Year

THE POWER OF PRAYER

"The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I shall HOPE in Him."

This year has truly been a year full of Lamentations.  And as the end draws nearer, things are only becoming more difficult.  Everywhere you go, people are tired, people are discouraged, people are hurting, people are lamenting. 

For me, this past year has been really tough, especially the past few months.  Since the beginning of the semester, three of the people that I love the most have been diagnosed with cancer.  Just this past Sunday, a few close friends organized a tribute for one of our sisters.  After about 20 brothers shaved their heads, and a few of us sang a song for her.  Although it may not have been as big as we were expecting it, that didn't matter.  Seeing 20 brothers shave their head in this ridiculously cold weather was more than you could ask for.  It was just so powerful to see how far love could go. 

Yesterday at lunch, I was looking through some pictures of our tribute while listening to that very song we sang for our friend.  I got a little emotional as I began to think of all the other who have been affected by cancer.  Going off on a bit of a tangent, I go to a Christian college.  One of the things I love about that is how each class is started with a prayer.  Now, if you're in a Kerry Belt class, you know how it goes.  Prayer petitions then Kerry prays for everyone or one person will pray for another.  But yesterday was different.  All you could sense in the room after everyone had given their prayer requests was sorrow.  Instead of the usual way of praying, we got into huddles of 3 or 4 and prayed for one another.  And it was absolutely powerful - to be be surrounded in a room full of love...to give each other a bit of HOPE. 

I've come to realize, as Ate Grace said, "God's not going to take your sorrows away."  For with sorrow comes joy.  When we pray, we pray for healing or for how we want things to turn out.  Prayer becomes about ourselves and not about God.

In all this, I think we need to ask ourselves, "Has God really been our strength? Has he really been our hope?"  I remember God's message to me at Direction Setting: James 1:2-4, 12

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not be lacking in anything...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."

And with that, I think God's really telling us to "fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith." But above all else, persevere, finish strong, and never forget the power of prayer.

QUICK ANSWERS TO QUICK QUESTIONS

1. Go the the Philippines and build houses for GK.

2. Spend it with the people I love the most, say sorry to everyone I've hurt, and sing for one particular person.

3. Keep moving. Even if no one sees you trying to make the changes, don't stop.  Just as long as you know that you're changing for the better and God knows that, that's all that really matters.  And if you're truly changing for the better, God will allow people to see that in due time and inspire them to keep moving on when everything else in life is stopping them.

4. Don't let the pain of loss be what it takes to make you realize how much a person really means to you.  Don't wait for someone to hurt you back for you to realize that you've hurt them. Life's too short. Have no regrets. Always remember that you are loved, and always hold on to God.

5. Don't let go.  If it's really the one thing you love the most, it will cancel out all those things that make you hate it.  Love can conquer anything.

6. Leave it be and let your body change for it.  You can always change and train yourself to wake up on time, but you can never have the same comfort.

These answers are not too detailed. Neither are they too vague.  So, if you have any answers on your mind, I think you should share them.  You'll never know where sharing them can bring you.

P.S. I guess you never know how badly you hurt someone unless they hurt you back in the same way. You have to live your life with integrity because no matter how much you really mean it, your sorries won't mean anything.  Your "I love yous" will lose meaning. But even if it doesn't count for anything, I'm sorry and I'll always love you.

Imagine If...

Is it worth it when you find yourself upset more than you are happy?
Is it worth it when you forgot what it even means to be happy anymore?
Is it worth it to allow yourself to get hurt repeatedly?
Is it worth it to fight back when anything you do will end in hopelessness?
I really wonder why we hold on to things so dearly when letting go would makes things so much easier.
I wonder because this is my life.

Imagine if you found yourself happier more than you were upset.
Imagine if you forgot what it even means to be upset anymore.
Imagine if we allowed ourselves to smile repeatedly.
Imagine if we never had to fight back because everything ended in HOPEfulness.
Imagine if people held onto things so dearly because life would not go one without it.
Imagine if this was my life.

HATE - such a strong word with such strong connotations, and for this exact reason, I told myself I'd never use it. Never say never...I hate the way everything is. I've tried everything to avoid such bitter feelings, but this is what it has all come down to. Hate, no more expectations, nothing to look forward to anymore...because with each passing day, a part of your sanity is lost.